Halloween Jokes

What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
A trombone.

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets.

What did Dracula say when he kissed his vampire girlfriend?
Ouch.

How do monsters tell their future?
They read their horrorscope.

What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
Hope it’s Halloween.

What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantern?
A pumpkin patch.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.

What happened to the guy who didn’t pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed.

How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.

Why did the headless horseman go into business?
He wanted to get ahead in life.

What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.

What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A thirsty vampire.

What is a monsters favorite flavor of jam?
Boo-berry.

Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat their fingers separately.

LITTLE MONSTER: I don’t like my teacher.
MUMMY MONSTER: Well then, just eat your salad.

Why did the zombie stay in his coffin?
He felt rotten.

Why do skeletons play the piano?
They don’t have organs.

Who is the best dancer at a monster party?
The boogie man.

Why don’t zombies have trouble getting dates?
They can usually dig someone up.

What is a Mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap!!!

Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don’t have any body to go out with…

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They’re so wrapped up in themselves.

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends.

What is a vampire’s favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel.

What type of dog do vampire’s like the best?
Bloodhounds.

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich.

Why don’t angry witches ride their brooms?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle.

Where do ghosts go shopping for clothes?
Booooooooo-tiques.

What goes "Ha Hah Hah", thud?
A zombie laughing its head off.

What do you get if you cross a snowman with Dracula?
Frostbite.

What did the girl tombstone say to her boyfriend?
Stop taking me for granite!

Why don’t mummies like to take a break?
They are afraid to unwind.

Why are mummies so vain?
They are always wrapped up in themselves.

Why do ghosts make bad liars?
Because you can see right through them!

What do ghouls wear on their face?
Spooktacles.

What do skeletons say before eating?
Bone Appetit!

What do witches look for in a hotel?
Broom service.

What did the philosophical ghost ask his friend?
Do you believe in people?

What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ice scream.